The
Lucy Show: "Lucy Meets Danny Kaye" (December 1964)
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In exchange for Lucille Ball appearing with Danny on The Danny Kaye Show, an agreement was made that Danny would appear on The Lucy Show. (Both programs were airing on CBS.)
In this episode, Lucy promised her children that she would get tickets to The Danny Kaye Show. When Lucy receives a letter in the mail, she discovers that the tickets are sold out. Devastated, she begs Mr. Mooney to help her get in contact with Danny Kaye, hoping that he will be able to get her some tickets. Mr. Mooney refuses to help but accidentally spills the beans on where Danny happens to be at that moment.
Danny happens to be having lunch with a couple of men. The host refuses to let Lucy in without a reservation. Fortunately, a fashion show is about to begin and so Lucy sneaks in with the other women, pretending to be one of the models. While Danny is trying to talk with the men and eat his food, Lucy continues to try and get his attention causing all sorts of trouble while she's at it.
First, she accidentally
smashes Danny's cigar.
Next, she ends up pulling
the tablecloth off as she's leaving. And lastly she ends up bumping into a
waiter who spills a plate of vichyssoise on Danny.
After failing to get a decent conversation with Danny, Lucy decides to wait for him at his hotel. Outside the building, she bribes the doorman into letting her borrow his uniform. There she awaits Danny's return. When he arrives, she apologizes for what happened in the restaurant. However, it's at that moment that he's swarmed by a flock of teenage girls who rip his pants off. Left standing in his boxers and suit jacket, Danny invites Lucy up to his room because he's getting a bit chilly. It's there that Lucy has a chance to explain her real mission, and it's this scene that is my favorite.
LUCY: So that's my problem, Mr. Kaye, and I'm sorry I was such an awful pest. But...you know how it is when you make a promise to children.
DANNY:
Well, I think I may be able to help you. (Danny comes out of his dressing
room) I'm pretty sure. The only person who might have some
tickets is Mr. Paley.
LUCY: Who's he?
DANNY: The CBS head man.
LUCY: Oh.
DANNY: Now lucky for you, Mr. Paley and I are like that. (puts two fingers together)
LUCY: Oh. Wonderful. Gee, I want to thank you, Mr. Kaye, thank you so much. You know, you're not only a great performer but you're a great humanitarian. (Danny begins to dial)
DANNY: That's nice. (still dialing) Hello? Yeah, Mr. Paley, please. Hello Bill? This is Danny. No, not Danny Thomas. No, no, no, Bill, Danny Kaye. Kaye. Kaye. H - I - J - Kaye. No, not Danny Hijk. Danny Kaye. Yeah, I--Yeah. Yeah. Bill, I was wondering if you had any extra tickets for the show tomorrow night. What do you mean 'what show?' The Danny Hijk Show. The Danny Kaye Show. Oh. Oh. Well, the best he can do is two tickets for Jackie Gleason next April.
LUCY: Oh, no. I want tickets for your show, Mr. Kaye.
DANNY: No, uh... I'm sorry, Bill, I can't. No. But thanks anyway. Okay, Bill. (hangs up the phone)
LUCY: Oh.
DANNY: Well, I'm afraid it's hopeless, Mrs. Carmichael.
LUCY: Oh, dear. Well, maybe you could sneak us in. Say we're your cousins from Danfield.
DANNY: No, I don't think so. That's the way I'm getting my sponsors in.
LUCY: Oh, dear. What'll I tell my children? They'll think I'm a failure as a mother. Have you ever felt that you were a failure as a mother?
DANNY: No, I haven't. But come to think of it, my daughter hardly gives me anything for Mother's Day. Wait a minute!
LUCY: What?!
DANNY: What's a matter?
LUCY: What'd you want to tell me?
DANNY: I got an idea.
LUCY: What is it?
DANNY: Maybe... Maybe you could work on the show.
LUCY: Oh! Oh, Mr. Kaye!
DANNY: Yeah?
LUCY: I'm--I'm not as good as you are, Mr. Kaye.
DANNY: Nah, that's--
LUCY: But I sing and I dance and once I played two choruses of "Glowworm" on my saxophone for the Danfield PTA.
DANNY: No, no, no. That's not what I had in mind.
LUCY:
What'd you have in mind?
DANNY: What I had in mind was I thought maybe you and your children could be extras.
LUCY: Extras?
DANNY: Yes. See, I'll use the children somewhere in the cast. And then you can be with the adults as the extras, you see, at the airport scene in the opening.
LUCY: In the opening?
DANNY: Yes.
LUCY: Well, what do I have to do?
DANNY: Nothing.
LUCY: Nothing?
DANNY: Nothing.
LUCY: Well, uh...
DANNY: No. Nothing. Just nothing. Just blend in with the others. Blend in quietly, as inconspicuously as possible.
LUCY: I should be inconspicuous?
DANNY: Inconspicuous.
LUCY: Well, are you sure you don't want me to sing or dance just a little bit?
DANNY: I hardly think so.
LUCY: Well, you're wasting an awful lot of talent. You know I could go--
DANNY: Mrs. Carmichael!
LUCY: All right, I'll blend! I'll blend! I'll be inconspicuous!