White
Christmas (1954)
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Most people
have had the good fortune to see this movie, so I most likely don't need to give
a detailed summary. However, just in case, here's a brief explanation:
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye) and Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby) team up together as performers. During the war, they served in the same company--Bob Wallace a captain and Phil Davis a private. Phil ended up saving Bob's life and, as a result, Phil's arm was injured. Since then, he's constantly reminded Bob of his life-saving heroics in order to sway Bob and get what he's wanted.
Phil has also been trying desperately to hook Bob up with a girl with no such luck. This scene occurs in their dressing room after one of their performances. It's a great scene with wonderful banter. Danny and Bing worked extremely well together. They played off one another brilliantly, and it shows in this scene.
PHIL DAVIS: Wallace, I think it's time you and I had a little talk.
BOB WALLACE: Yeah, that's a good idea, buster, and if you don't mind, I'll lead off.
PHIL DAVIS: Oh, now wait a minute.
BOB WALLACE: You wait a minute. You know something, for about three months now, you've been clumsily trying to entangle me with some female.
PHIL DAVIS: All I'm trying to do, Bob--
BOB WALLACE: Fat ones, tall ones, thin ones, it doesn't make any difference as long as they're wearing skirts, little mascara, and still breathing, you ram 'em at me.
PHIL DAVIS: Believe me, it's for your own good.
BOB WALLACE: For my own good?
PHIL DAVIS: Yeah, let's face it, Bob, you're a lonely, miserable man.
BOB WALLACE: What?
PHIL DAVIS: And you're unhappy too. And when you're unhappy, I'm unhappy. After all, I feel a strong sense of responsibility to you, Bob, ever since the day I-- (squeezes his upper right arm)
BOB WALLACE: Oh, no. Not again with that life-saving bit.
PHIL DAVIS: Well, if you'd rather forget it.
BOB WALLACE: How can? You won't let me. Since you saved my life, you decided you had the right to run it. You ootched me along every step of the way. You hammered, drove, pushed, shoved, and if that wasn't enough, you'd look at me with those great big cow eyes of yours, point at that phony arm, and I'd melt and go along.
PHIL DAVIS: Well, I don't expect any gratitude.
BOB WALLACE: Well you're going to get it. We did great, and I'm grateful. So, thank you. Thank you, Phil Davis, from the bottom of my heart. Now will you let the rest of my life alone?
PHIL DAVIS: No, I won't.
BOB WALLACE: Well, why not?
PHIL DAVIS: Because you're a miserable, lonely, unhappy man.
BOB WALLACE: Oh, you're wacky. I'm a very happy man.
PHIL DAVIS:
Well, then you're happy for the
wrong reasons and that's the same as being lonely and miserable except it's
worse.
BOB WALLACE: You know something? You're off you're nut about a mile and a half. I've got everything in life I want.
PHIL DAVIS: Oh sure. I'm off my nut a mile and a half--
BOB WALLACE: At least.
PHIL DAVIS: You've got everything you want except the most important thing.
BOB WALLACE: What's this?
PHIL DAVIS: A girl.
BOB WALLACE: I'll get around to that one of these days.
PHIL DAVIS: My dear partner, when what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting whatever it is you've got left.
BOB WALLACE: When I figure out what that means, I'll come up with a crushing reply. What's back of all this anyway?
PHIL DAVIS: Nothing, nothing. Only you're happiness.
BOB WALLACE: My happiness?
PHIL DAVIS: Yeah.
BOB WALLACE: You know, when you get an idea that's for my sole and ultimate happiness, there's always lurking behind it somewhere a little angle for you. Now what is it?
PHIL DAVIS: You really want to know?
BOB WALLACE: Yes, I really want to know.
PHIL DAVIS: All right, I'll really tell you.
BOB WALLACE: Well, then lay it on me, will you?
PHIL DAVIS: Ever since the day we became producers, you're a changed man. You've gone absolutely berserk with work. And the strange thing is, you liked it. You like being Rodgers and Hammerstein.
BOB WALLACE: Well, it was your idea you know.
PHIL DAVIS: Well, sure it was my idea, but I didn't think I was going to create a Frankenstein. From that day on, I haven't had one minute I could call my own.
BOB WALLACE: What do you want me to do about it?
PHIL DAVIS: I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that's forty-five minutes. And I'd at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.
BOB WALLACE: You don't expect me to get serious with the kind of characters you and Rita have been throwing at me.
PHIL DAVIS:
Well, there's been some nice girls,
too, you know.
BOB WALLACE: Yeah, yeah, like that nuclear scientist we just met out in the hall.
PHIL DAVIS: All right, they didn't go to college. They didn't go to Smith.
BOB WALLACE: Go to Smith? She couldn't even spell it.
PHIL DAVIS: Oh, that's very funny. (fake laughter) The crooner is now becoming the comic.
BOB WALLACE: Phil, let me tell you something. There's a lot of sense in what you say, and I have to admit it. But the kind of girls you and I meet in this business, they're young and they're ambitious. They're full of their own careers. They're not interested in getting married, settling down and raising a family.
PHIL DAVIS: That's funny, Bob, I never heard you open up like that before.
BOB WALLACE: Someday the right girl is gonna come along, and if she'll have me, we'll get married. We'll settle down, and we'll start having those nine kids for you. Forty-five minutes going to be enough?
PHIL DAVIS: If I need any more, I'll tell you.